CPR Instructions, But Make Them Spooky

In the realm of the direst of emergencies, a hauntingly solemn ritual known as CPR unfolds, where the line between life and death is perilously thin. Here, you stand, a solitary figure, in a desolate and foreboding landscape, the very air thick with dread.

Assess the Haunting Scene

In this unholy realm, cast your wary gaze to all corners, for malevolent forces may lurk. Ensure your surroundings are bereft of danger.

Summon the Abyss

As the spectre of doom approaches, let out a bone-chilling call to Triple Zero, or, if you dare, instruct another mortal to beckon the Grim Reaper.

Probe for the Breath of the Undead

The victim, a lifeless vessel, lies in silent anticipation.

Tilt their head ever so slightly, as if opening the gateway to the underworld.

Peer into the abyss, listening for any faint signs of life, but linger not more than an ominous heartbeat.

Initiate the Macabre Compressions

Place your frigid hand, akin to death's touch, at the heart's epicentre, a place just south of the soul's sanctuary.

Enshroud your icy grasp with another hand, locking your bony fingers in a ghastly embrace.

With the strength of the crypt-keeper, push down unrelentingly, forcing the chest to yield to your dark power - 100-120 compressions per minute, a dirge played upon the victim's very core.

The Ghoulish Recoil

As you release the chest, feel the unsettling recoil, as if a restless spirit stirs. Then plunge back into the abyss once more.

Infuse the Breath of the Afterlife

After 30 compressions, breathe into the desolation.

Tilt their head, their passage to the netherworld, and seal your lips upon theirs, conjuring a breath that transcends the veil of life.

Continue this eerie waltz, 30 compressions and 2 breaths, in the dance between life and death.

Persist in the Sinister Cadence

Continue this unholy rhythm until:

The tormented soul reawakens and shatters the stillness.

The professional reapers arrive to claim what's due.

Your own strength wanes and you relinquish your place in this macabre ritual.

The AED's Cursed Commands

Should an AED materialize, heed its infernal instructions. Connect the accursed cables and embrace the shocking crescendo it promises.

Vigil Over the Abyss

If the condemned spirit manages to breathe anew, place them in the recovery position and maintain a vigil, guarding against the encroaching darkness.

In this spine-tingling journey of resuscitation, maintain your grim composure, for you tread the precipice between the realms of life and death.

Whether you are a mere mortal or a master of the macabre arts, remember that your actions can either prolong existence or plunge it further into the abyss. Proceed with a sense of dread, for you stand at the precipice of despair.

Non-Spooky Instructions

For the true instructions, see below:

Download our CPR Chart

And read our articles:

How to perform CPR - Adults & Older Children

How to perform CPR - Pregnancy

How to perform CPR - Children

How to perform CPR - Infants (0-12 months)

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